Monday, June 8, 2026

Have the Courage to Be Disliked

We can be honest, respectful, and clear without making every decision around whether someone else is pleased with us

By Quentin Steen, Representative

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” – Bruce Lee

There was a time in my life when I felt trapped by the need to be liked and accepted.

I spent a lot of energy trying to meet other people’s expectations, even when it meant losing touch with what I truly wanted. The fear of disappointing people—or being judged by them—followed me into so many decisions. I smiled when I didn’t feel like it, said yes when I wanted to say no, and kept parts of myself tucked away because blending in felt safer than being fully seen.

At one point, I came across a Bruce Lee quote that stayed with me: “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” That line landed with me because I realized how often I had been doing exactly the opposite—adapting, performing, and trying to become what I thought other people would accept.

For some adoptees, including in my own experience at times, questions of identity, belonging, and acceptance can carry particular weight. I want to be careful not to speak for everyone, because adoption is not one story. But I do know what it is like to feel the pressure to be agreeable, to stay easy to love, and to keep certain parts of yourself quiet because that feels safer than risking disapproval.

Over time, I have learned that authenticity is not about saying whatever comes to mind or excusing hurtful behaviour by calling it honesty. Being true to yourself does not cancel your responsibility to be thoughtful about the impact of your words and actions. In my mind, real authenticity should make us more grounded, not more careless. It should move us toward honesty with humility, not honesty without compassion.

That is why the phrase have the courage to be disliked means something different to me now. It is not about inviting conflict or pretending other people’s feelings do not matter. It is about loosening the grip of approval. It is about learning that I can be honest, respectful, and clear without making every decision around whether someone else is pleased with me.

The first time I practiced this was small: I declined an invitation to an event I did not want to attend. It may not sound like much, but for me it felt significant. I expected disappointment, maybe even backlash. Instead, I was met with respect. That moment taught me that a healthy boundary will not always be understood, but it can still be the right thing to do.

As I kept growing, the choices got bigger. I pursued things that did not always fit other people’s expectations. I spoke up when it mattered. I stopped apologizing for every part of who I was. Not everyone understood, and not every outcome felt easy. Some conversations were uncomfortable. Some relationships shifted. That is part of the truth too. Living more authentically can come with trade-offs, and I think it is important to say that plainly.

Even so, I have found there is real value in living a life that is more aligned and less performative. Not because authenticity guarantees an easy outcome, but because it helps me live with greater integrity and self-respect. It reminds me that other people’s opinions may affect me, but they do not have to define me.

Maybe that is what the courage to be disliked really is: not the absence of fear or fallout, but the willingness to live with a little more honesty, a little more care, and a little less need for approval.

Disclaimer: This reflection is based on personal perspective and is intended for general informational purposes only. It does not reflect every adoptee’s experience and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Quentin Steen is a certified Mental Health First Aid instructor for the Mental Health Commission of Canada.

Have the Courage to Be Disliked

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