Sunday, May 3, 2020

You’d Come Over, Right?

Many times, our mental health issues are connected to the fact that we live with unresolved relational conflicts. So now might be a good time to pick up the phone, text, email, Zoom, or have a coffee six feet apart to start the conversation

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By Quentin Steen, Representative

I was driving in my car on the way to Save-On-Foods trying to prioritize my shopping list, haunted by the scenario that is as new to me as it is to you: how many rolls of toilet paper can I get my hands on? Maybe haunted is too strong a word.

In the middle of my prioritizing, a song came on the radio that I’ve heard probably a hundred times since it’s release in 2019: “If the World Was Ending” by JP Saxe (featuring Julia Michael).

As one music columnist wrote, “In a matter of months, ‘If The World Was Ending’ has been streamed over 40 million times on Spotify alone. The apocalypse-inspired ode to saying everything on our mind and in our hearts struck a chord. We spoke to JP Saxe during his most recent tour alongside Noah Kahan about the importance of writing with honesty, the final word he would utter if the world were ending, and more.”

It’s a song that has gained a lot of popularity over the last couple of months but for reasons other than its original intention as written by the artist. The song was originally written in reference to ex-lovers, who, despite the reasons they are no longer together, still love each other and their longing to be reunited if the world was ending.

It’s the chorus, in particular, that resonates with the masses because it speaks to the need for relational connection that resides in all of us and transcends the context of ex-lovers.

But if the world was ending
You’d come over right
You’d come over and you’d stay the night
Would you love me for the hell of it
All our fears would be irrelevant
If the world was ending
You’d come over right
The sky’d be falling and I’d hold you tight
And there wouldn’t be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye
If the world was ending
You’d come over right
Right?
If the world was ending
You’d come over right
Right?

For me, it’s a song that points to a simple reality: people from all walks of life are designed for human connection. With it, we thrive, but without it, we starve emotionally. Many times, our mental health issues—anxiety, fear, worry, substance usage, depression—are connected to the fact that we live with unresolved relational conflicts.

It should come as no surprise then to see why this song is connecting with us as it does. For some, it’s a reminder to stay in contact with those we love and remind them of how important they are to us. For others, it’s a gentle nudge to reconnect with those we have withheld ourselves from, and put away the minor grievances we have against them because no one is perfect.

Still, for others, it exposes them to a deeper question. Is the issue I have with another person so big and so important that I’m willing to let the relationship die, and so too a part of me?

So now might be a good time to pick up the phone, text, email, Zoom, or have a coffee six feet apart to start the conversation.

If the person on your mind is no longer here or unavailable due to illness or old age (a father who suffers from dementia) or is missing (a birth mother who gave you up for adoption), then all is not lost. Take a walk and find a place to sit down and speak to them as if they were still here. The wind will know where to find them.

If talking into the wind is not your thing, write out what you would like to say to them as if they were still here. When you’re ready, burn it as a symbol of your intent to reconcile.

Whatever your story, consider this: if not now, when? I can tell you from experience that reconciling relationships—no matter how tough the road—is worth the humility and effort necessary to make things right with one another.

Quentin Steen is a certified mental health first aid instructor for the Mental Health Commission of Canada.

Get your BRAIN right and your MIND will follow!

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Wellness Together Canada: Mental Health and Substance Use Support provides free online resources, tools, apps, and connections to trained volunteers and qualified mental health professionals.
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