Friday, August 2, 2024

You Matter

Men have to learn how to talk about life—especially when they are struggling

By Phil Polsom, Representative

I recently watched a video in which men were asked who they talk to when they are struggling. Every man asked this said the same thing: Nobody. Not one person.

Most men don’t talk about their struggles because they believe it to be a sign of weakness. How many men out there either have felt like this or feel like that now?

This got me thinking about my own life. I don’t ever remember my dad talking about any struggles he was having, even though I know life was hard for him. I learned from him not to complain or talk about things that were bothering me. Suck it up and keep going. His favourite saying was that if it’s not a fight it’s not right. And he fought hard every day.

For me, I am fortunate to have an amazing wife who is there to listen about things that are bothering me. This was never easy for me, and it took me years to get comfortable sharing. It still takes me time to open up, but eventually I get there.

Over the years, I struggled a lot with anger and moodiness. Trying to explain to counsellors and doctors seemed futile. Every day was a struggle to maintain my composure and deal with my struggles.

My wife would often ask me why I was quiet, and my answer would usually be because I was tired. What else could I tell her? Often, I did not even really know what it was or how to put it into words.

Her patience, love, and support over the years finally helped me recognize that I needed help and that it was okay to ask for it. Between my counsellor and doctor, I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 57. I can only describe it as life changing. I couldn’t help but wonder what my life would have looked like if I had figured this out earlier.

We as men have to learn how to talk about life—especially when we are struggling. We have to recognize that talking about struggles and seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. By opening up and not being afraid to share, we can show men that they matter and that they have value. They do not need to struggle alone.

We have been taught for generations that it is not right for men to talk about their feelings because that means you are weak. It is time to change that narrative.

One of the things we can do is learn to recognize when someone is struggling. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle. If we approach everyone with that in mind, maybe we can learn to do one thing: be kind!

If someone is quiet and withdrawn or loud and angry, they may be struggling and just don’t know how to ask for help. If you are struggling, ask for help. Find a friend, talk to your spouse or partner, seek out a counsellor or doctor. Help is out there. You just have to be courageous and look for it.

And above all, remember this: you matter!

You Matter

You might be interested in