Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Workin' Moms and Dads

How to ease your transition back to work after parental leave

No matter your profession or position, parenthood isn’t easy. But you’ve got to work and somehow balance your career with your kids, and the pressure to do it all has never been more pronounced.

We’ve gathered the best advice from experienced CLAC staff on what worked for them when returning to work after parental leave.

Isobel Farrell, Regional Director
Despite my best intentions, I found it very difficult to keep on top of my household responsibilities, give attention to my family, and feel positive about my work contribution. I couldn’t keep this balanced and began to resent cleaning my bathroom on Saturday mornings after a full work week and navigating the new role of motherhood.

My very practical mom suggested that I “invest” in a housekeeper, even if just once a month. While this was difficult at first (pride), I quickly came to appreciate the help. As our family grew over the next seven years, I came to appreciate this decision even more. I simply couldn’t do everything, and I am glad that I was willing to seek some assistance.

Ryan Bruce, BC Government Relations
Plan your first day back to fall on a Wednesday or preferably a Thursday, if possible. There is no reason to start on a Monday. If you do that, the first week will breeze by and you will be feeling very good about your return to work.

In regard to your family at home, especially if your newborn has an older sibling who is still too young to understand the concept of having to go to work, spend time explaining to them what you do and where you go each day, or show them pictures of what you do. This will help them understand where you go each day and why mommy or daddy is suddenly not around all the time.

Trish Douma, Regional Director
If you can return to work at a point in your schedule where you only have to work two days before getting a couple days off, it really eases the transition. This way you have two days to rest and adjust your plan if the first two days didn’t go as smoothly as you liked.

Melanie Sykes, CLAC Representative
Lower your standards and expectations. Then lower them again. Life is not the same and if you have the same expectations as you did pre-baby, you will be disappointed or get burnt out.

After my second child, my mom would tell people that I was a “relaxed” housekeeper. At first it bothered me, and then I decided to ignore it since I would rather do other things than constantly try to keep my house spotless.

Ask yourself, “Is this good enough for right now?” Sometimes hitting the drive-thru for dinner or making Kraft Dinner or whatever scraps you find in the fridge is good enough for that day.

Other days that are going great and you have lots of energy, a full home-cooked meal is good enough. Some days it’s handing your kids the iPad or remote control to watch cartoons, other days it’s turning off screens (your phone included) and having genuine time together.

Only you know what’s best for you and your family. Listen to yourself, not others.

CLAC Representative
Prepare yourself emotionally for the transition, primarily by making sure you understand how this fits into your child’s growth and development. It is not helpful to keep thinking about the times you miss with your kids. No one can be there for everything, and you really shouldn’t be. Kids do better with more than one adult in their life.

Focus on maintaining a good relationship with your children, and making sure you have confidence in their care. They really are okay—unless they’re not. Make sure you know the signs. If you ignore your intuition on this, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Figure out how to allay your concerns. If you have a reputable caregiver, they should understand and work with you on this. Don’t dither.

Shifting your focus to them growing up is essential for every emotional transition you will face with them. It all starts with the first one. They are intelligent human beings with an emerging life story. Your role must change, and they will never realize how much until they have children of their own. Get some highly-recommended parenting books and at least scan the chapter titles and charts.

Talk to other parents, and get a good idea of what can be appropriately expected of your children at different stages of development. Clarity and confidence make a lot of emotional anxieties disappear.

Workin' Moms and Dads

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