Skip to main content Skip to navigation Skip to search Skip to footer
Saturday, August 26, 2023

When Someone’s in Your Face

It’s tempting to give it back to others when insulted or disrespected. If they escalate, then I escalate. But responding in kind is not helpful—and can be dangerous

By Nathan Koslowsky, Representative

There’s a better way to deal with situations when you’re confronted. Be kind rather than respond in kind—no matter what. Hold the high ground. Keep your wits. Resist making the greatest speech you’ll ever regret.

Remember, there’s a distinction between being assertive, passive, and aggressive. It’s possible to be clear without also being insulting, demeaning, or offensive.

Escalating feels great in the moment. There is this sense of power that can accompany a blow-up.

Look at a volcano. It’s really powerful during an eruption, but the results are devastating for all those around it. And the volcano itself is forever altered and defaced.

Self-injury surrounds eruptions and impacts our relationships. They’re accompanied by feelings of guilt, fear, and shame. What happens inside of you psychologically and chemically is not good. 

4 Ways to Respond When Someone Comes at You Inappropriately

  1. Don’t fly off the handle. It will feel great in the moment. You show them that you aren’t going to take that from them by giving it right back. If they yell and swear, you yell and swear. But like the volcano, it will leave you changed and can cause enormous damage to yourself, your career, and others.
  2. Become reflective and curious. “Wow, I am getting the impression that you are really upset right now! Is that true?”
  3. Remain calm. You don’t need to match their energy.
  4. Walk away. Give yourself some time to cool off. Tell them, “Let’s hit pause on this conversation and then revisit it in 10 minutes or so.”

If you find you are flying off the handle at every confrontation, it may signal something else. Like a warning light on the dashboard of your vehicle, some maintenance may be called for. Consult your EFAP provider or talk to a counsellor to see what’s really going on under the hood.