Sunday, April 9, 2023

What’s Strong with Me?

Learn how to embrace your self-critic with understanding and empathy without getting swept away in its current

By Quentin Steen, Representative/BC Member Education Coordinator

Several months ago, I was watching Jeopardy! (I just dated myself) pretending I knew the answers when, on a commercial break before Final Jeopardy, the tagline of the product being promoted settled nicely into the personal work I’ve been navigating, with marginal success, over the past year.

The line is simple but packed with significance: What’s strong with me?

The journey toward mental well-being is always a challenging journey for everyone. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be so invested in my own journey, or for that matter, the journeys of others. I wouldn’t feel drawn, or compelled is a better word, to help break down the stigma and confusion around this pervasive subject that affects all of us in one way or another.

It’s been a gift and an honour for me to provide some insight and help for others (and myself) as a mental health facilitator for the Mental Health Commission of Canada and in collaboration with my role as CLAC’s member education coordinator for BC.

At last count, I’ve facilitated over 50 courses on mental health to numerous groups in various industries and communities. I’ve found something we all share: the importance that our mental well-being plays in our daily lives, professionally and personally.

There are many things I can say about this from listening to hundreds of stories. Deeply embedded in these stories is a theme that we all face: the self-critic. You know the one. It’s the voice(s) that take up residence in your mind that lie in wait, ready to pounce on you anytime you falter, mess up, or make the most minor mistakes. Anytime you fall short, it’s all too glad to point out your shortcomings, and it sucks you into fixating on them.

• How could you be so stupid?

• You’re as useless as they come.

• How dumb can you be?

• And that’s why you’re unlovable and unworthy of love.

• You’re a fraud.

• Can you do anything right?

• You don’t belong.

• You don’t deserve to be happy.

• No one wants you.

• You’re a screw-up.

• Your parents (boss, teacher, high school “guidance” counsellor—fill in the blank) were right. You’ll never make something of yourself.

It doesn’t matter what the voice says. It’s always harsh, demeaning, demoralizing, shame-filled, and deflating. It’s a voice with only one message: What’s wrong with you?

For some, this voice is a daily haunting. For others, it’s less consistent but just as damaging to their mental well-being and relationships with others—but even more so to themselves.

Admittedly, as hard as it is at times, I must consciously confront it and embrace it as a part of me I’ve developed from an early age to survive. I’ve discovered where my work lies that I need help to outmuscle.

I can’t silence it. It’s a damaged part of me, a manager that needs attention, empathy, and direction from my authentic, wise self. And that is a lifetime of work.

I’ve found tremendous wisdom and support through the work of people like Dr. Richard Schwartz in his book No Bad Parts and Dr. Gabor Maté in his book The Myth of Normal.

If you’ve run out of, or never had, the internal resources to learn how to embrace your self-critic with understanding and empathy without getting swept away in its current, I would highly recommend resources like these as ground zero for your mental well-being with your critics (managers).

If you take the chance to explore what that means for you, the conversation that you can have with yourself, with conviction, is not about what’s wrong with me, but what’s strong with me!

Quentin Steen is a certified mental health first aid instructor for the Mental Health Commission of Canada.

Get your BRAIN right and your MIND will follow!

4 Mental Health Resources to Help You

If you or someone you know is struggling with a mental health issue, CLAC has a number of resources and interactive tools available to help you at My Health and Wellness.
Stronger Minds features videos and quick reads from mental health experts, activities to help you gain resilience, and ask-an-expert videos in response to questions.
WellCan offers free well-being resources to help Canadians develop coping strategies and build resilience to help deal with uncertainty, mental health, and substance abuse concerns.
Wellness Together Canada: Mental Health and Substance Use Support provides free online resources, tools, apps, and connections to trained volunteers and qualified mental health professionals.

What’s Strong with Me?

4 Mental Health Resources to Help You

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