Tuesday, October 14, 2025 What Do You Mean by No Judgment?: A Random Coffee Shop Chat Judgment, empathy, and the art of understanding others Blogs Newsletters National By Quentin Steen, Representative Lena sat across from her friend, Max, at the small coffee shop they frequented. They were deep into conversation, as usual, navigating the tricky terrain of life’s big questions. Max had just shared a troubling story about a mutual acquaintance, Sarah, whose recent behaviour had left them both feeling uneasy. "No judgment, but ..." Max began. “No judgment—is that always true?” Lena asked softly, sipping her tea. “What do you mean by no judgment?” Max paused, considering her question. “I just think it’s natural to judge people, right? We all do it. But I try not to, at least not in a harsh way. You know, I try to look at actions without making it personal.” Lena smiled slightly. “So, you mean, judging the actions without judging the person?” Max nodded. “Exactly. But sometimes, it’s hard not to. When someone’s actions are, well, hurtful or confusing, it’s difficult not to make assumptions about who they are.” Lena leaned back in her chair, her fingers tracing the edge of her cup thoughtfully. “I get it. It’s hard not to fall into that trap. But I’ve been thinking about something lately. Our friend Grace always talks about how the opposite of judgment isn’t indifference—it’s empathy.” Max raised an eyebrow. “Empathy? How does that fit in?” “Think about it like this,” Lena continued. “When we judge someone’s actions as unhealthy, we don’t need to treat their personhood with contempt. Instead, we can understand that there’s a story behind the behaviour. That’s where empathy comes in. It’s seeing them as a person who’s acted in a way that might have been influenced by something else, something we might not know.” Max paused, the idea settling in. “So, you’re saying it’s possible to look at someone’s actions—like, the unhealthy choices they make—and still hold space for their humanity? To understand their pain, their story?” “Exactly,” Lena said. “It doesn’t mean we condone the actions or ignore what’s true. But we can still approach it with compassion. We’re not dismissing the reality of what happened. We’re just saying: I see you. I understand there’s more to this than just a bad choice.” Max looked at her, his expression softening. “That... makes a lot of sense. So, you can still act with kindness, even if you disagree with the actions. You just don’t lose sight of the fact that people are complex, and they’re not defined by their mistakes.” Lena smiled warmly. “Yes. That’s the nuance I’ve been learning to hold onto. It’s not always easy, but it helps me to stay grounded in kindness, even when things get complicated.” Max nodded, feeling the weight of her words. The conversation lingered with him long after they finished their coffee, a small shift in perspective that would guide him through the challenges of understanding others—and himself—more compassionately. Not a bad conversation to have over your next coffee with someone that matters to you. Quentin Steen is a certified mental health first aid instructor for the Mental Health Commission of Canada. Get your BRAIN right and your MIND will follow! 4 Mental Health Resources to Help You If you or someone you know is struggling with a mental health issue, CLAC has a number of resources and interactive tools available to help you at My Health and Wellness. Stronger Minds features videos and quick reads from mental health experts, activities to help you gain resilience, and ask-an-expert videos in response to questions. WellCan offers free well-being resources to help Canadians develop coping strategies and build resilience to help deal with uncertainty, mental health, and substance abuse concerns. Wellness Together Canada: Mental Health and Substance Use Support provides free online resources, tools, apps, and connections to trained volunteers and qualified mental health professionals. You might be interested in Why We Work Safely 5 Jun 2026 Standing Your Ground, and Staying Steady on the Job 4 Jun 2026 CLAC Partners with Alberta Government to Advance Skilled Trades Training and Accelerate Certification 4 Jun 2026 Strathcona Mechanical Workers Ratify New Agreement Providing Wage, Scheduling Improvements 3 Jun 2026