Monday, November 25, 2024

Till Work Do Us Part

Workers on remote projects experience more than their fair share of relationship breakups. But some families not only survive but thrive. What are the pros and cons of out-of-town work, and how do workers balance their work life and their life outside of work?

Guide magazine

By Lisa Helder

LESS THAN 24 HOURS AFTER my husband arrived home from a 12-day shift decommissioning the Victor Diamond Mine, near Attawapiskat, Ontario, baby number three made his entry into the world. Well timed, baby boy.

As someone who’s experienced juggling family life with a partner who periodically works out of town, I have a particular interest in the impact the lifestyle has on relationships, the odds of sticking together (spoiler—the stats aren’t fabulous), and how families can survive and thrive in the face of out-of-town work.

IT’S NOT HARD TO UNDERSTAND the allure of working on large, remote industrial sites. It’s mainly the money.

With that money comes the promise of freedom and a better life—for you, your spouse, and your kids.

But for many, it comes at the cost of relationships—with their partner, their kids, and friends and family.

The theme of relationship breakup comes up each time the Guide covers an industrial/remote project. Workers mention the strain that being away puts on their families and relationships, and many mention that they have been through at least one divorce.

Alberta—home to many of Canada’s remote industrial construction and resource extraction sites—has consistently suffered the nation’s second-highest divorce rate (beaten only by the Yukon).

“If you were to line everybody up in camp and go walking up and down the line to see who’s been divorced or who’s on their second divorce, it’s probably 75 percent of the people up here,” says Chris Goeyardi, a journeyperson electrician employed by WorleyCord Energy Solutions Ltd. He’s been working on remote sites in western Canada for four years as an electrician. Prior to that, his career in office furnishings took him out of town on a regular basis as well.

Chris is in the other 25 percent. He and his wife, Jazzmind—pictured on the cover with their 18-month old daughter—have been together for over 15 years. They—and many other couples—have managed to beat the odds and create a family dynamic that works in spite of the stresses that frequent separations bring.

Carson Wiebe, an electrician with Integral Energy Services Ltd., has been working in remote camps for about 50 percent of his career since 2009. He and his wife are also beating the odds—and thriving.

“The wages up here are quite high,” says Carson. “And in the evening when you get back from work, it’s all your own free time—everything’s taken care of. Plus, I’m working 14 days on, 7 off, so in my week off, we can go on a little vacation if we want to.”

The extra cash has given Carson’s wife the freedom to quit her day job and pursue her writing career.

“I said, ‘If you are ever going to give writing a serious shot, now is the time,’” says Carson. “I’m working in camp, I’m making a lot more money than before, and she also has the space when I’m gone to be able to do it. I think everyone deserves a shot at their dreams.”

But there are a number of other reasons why workers choose remote megaprojects.

“When you’re on a big project, they take everything very seriously, especially safety,” says Carson.

There’s also a level of stability on these long term projects, which for Chris is another big draw.

“It’s nice to be on a big project so you’re not constantly looking for work every few months,” he says. “You’re also exposed to large companies, so there’s always the opportunity to build relationships and expand networking.”

During his tenure with Worley, Chris has worked on CNRL Horizon’s tank farm, the Trans Mountain pipeline project, and the Kearl ITA tailings project.

“These projects have been vastly different,” says Chris. “So, I get to see a wide variety of industrial work.”

For some workers, the camaraderie can also provide a draw. Doug Ogston, who also works for Integral Energy as an electrician, appreciates being part of a close-knit team.

“We’re away from our families, so it’s like a band of brothers and sisters up here,” says Doug. “We have a very team-based atmosphere. We stick together and we look out for each other work-wise and safety-wise.”

FOR EVERY CAMP WORK PERK, there’s also a downside.

For some, the money enables new, detrimental habits, which become added stressors on relationships—including wild spending sprees and increased gambling, drug, and alcohol use.

Even for the many workers who don’t fall prey to addictive behaviours, the strain of being away is felt by them and their families.

“Some people get addicted to the money, and their relationships suffer,” says Chris.

“While I wouldn’t say it’s had a negative impact on our relationship per se, it’s difficult sometimes,” says Carson. “Especially last year, my wife’s family was going through some rough stuff, and I wanted to be there to support her, but I couldn’t, which really sucked.”

It is especially difficult when there are kids in the mix.

“I have three kids,” says Doug. “My oldest is eleven, and I have an eight-year-old and a six-year-old, and I’ve been up here for thirteen years. You do miss quite a bit—their first steps, their first words, their first day of school. You miss a lot of firsts.”

Doug and his wife did end up separating.

“One hundred percent the remote work added strain,” he says. “But that’s my opinion. I don’t know what other individuals that have gone through this would say.

“Could I have gone home? Of course. Money’s not everything. It’s family. But I’ve been brought up to provide for my family.

“So, I feel like if I had gone home, because of the way the economy is, there’s not a lot of job opportunities, and you’re not going to make a lot of money. Here, I have a guaranteed job. I’ve been working for the same company for 13 years. And I make really good money.

“But on the other hand, I did sacrifice quite a bit. It’s not a lifestyle that a lot of people choose. I think it’s more of a lifestyle for a single person. When you’re in a relationship or marriage, it does put strain on you.”

For many workers, the cost isn’t worth the extra cash, and they leave to go home.

“There were a couple of guys whose wives were pregnant right around the same time as mine,” says Chris. “After they had their babies, it didn’t take very long for their wives to call them back home.

“My wife slugged through it. She would go down to Lethbridge [two hours from their home in Calgary] and stay with my mother-in-law when I was gone, so she had resources to help her.

“Some of the other women, they’re from out east, and they don’t have family in Alberta. So, they’re on their own. It doesn’t always work as well for others as it does for us.”

DOUG, CHRIS, AND CARSON ALL acknowledge that their spouses end up shouldering a bigger burden at home than those whose spouses work in town.

“The nice thing about being out of town is you work really, really hard all day, but then you go back to your room, and you shut your brain off,” says Doug. “Your partner who’s at home with the kids doesn’t get that option.

“My wife took care of the home front—the bills, the kids. She was the disciplinary one, and I got to be the fun one. When your spouse is working away all the time, it’s almost like you’re a single parent, but you’re not single.”

Chris’s wife recently returned to work after maternity leave, which added a new layer of complexity to their family dynamic.

“Thankfully, her job is fairly understanding of our circumstances—they know I’m out of town and that a lot falls on her, so they are pretty flexible, knowing she doesn’t have help at home. Our families are a few hours away, so they can’t be there on a day-to-day basis.”

SO HOW DOES THE PARTNER who stays behind make things work on the home front?

For Jazzmind, Chris’s wife, it’s all about having a positive attitude, commitment, and keeping things in perspective.

“There are so many things you can do to make that time as enjoyable as possible and stay positive,” says Jazzmind. “On day 13 [of a 14-day shift], you can start to feel tired and burnt out. But I never let myself feel that way on day two, because I’ve got a long time to go.

“And I think it has been a great opportunity for me to become very independent. If I wanted to go and do something, I’d have to do it myself. But what was I going to do—sit at home?

“It’s been a great opportunity to focus on my friendships, my own hobbies, and become a more independent person. And then when he’s home, it’s nice to take the day off and go do something random on a weekday.

“As the person at home, you can’t let yourself get resentful. He’s not on an extravagant vacation. He’s working an extremely hard job where he’s outside in the elements, and he’s away from home. He’s missing out on time with our daughter, and with his family and friends, and I know that wears on him.”

Jazzmind also notes that even if Chris worked in town, the majority of childcare would fall on her, simply based on the fact that he works in the trades, and she works as an accountant and has more flexibility.

“There are times when our daughter is sick, and she can’t go to daycare. And I’m trying to juggle working from home with a toddler. But it would be the same if he was working in town. He’s not going to skip a day of work and pay when I can work at a computer from home.”

FOR DOUG, CARSON, AND CHRIS, the plan is to continue working on remote industrial sites for the foreseeable future, due to the job stability, the added income, and the fact they all appreciate working for their respective companies. Is it always easy? No. Are there trade-offs—sometimes very high ones? Yes. But someone has to work on these projects, and so they figure it may as well be them—at least for now.

“I think it’s a little bit of a give and take,” says Chris. “You can’t make the same amount of money working at home, but you lose out a lot on trying to get that money. Whether you have somebody at home who’s forgiving of those things that you lose out on is an individual basis.”

“If anybody is thinking about doing this, of course there can be tough times,” says Jazzmind. “There can be things that go wrong, and there can be things that are hard.

“But it can be a very positive experience, too. And for our family, it’s worked. It’s worked as just a couple. It’s worked as a family with a young baby. It’s worked for me.”

Relationship Stats

In 2020, the most recent year that Statistics Canada published divorce statistics, the rates were actually much lower than in previous years—likely due to pandemic shutdowns. Nevertheless, the rates in Alberta were still higher than in the other provinces, second only to the Yukon.

Divorce Rate per 1,000 Married Persons per Year

• Canada: 5.6

• Yukon: 11 (highest)

• Alberta: 7.1

• Ontario: 4.4 (lowest)

Average Age of Divorce

• 46

Note: Divorce statistics do not take into account common-law relationships that end. Since 23 percent of couples are living common-law (as of 2021), this does skew the statistics to some extent.

Why People Break Up

Statistics Canada no longer records the reasons for divorce, but a 2014 Bank of Montreal study found the following top three reasons:

Financial issues — 68%
Infidelity — 60%
Family disagreements — 36%

Other reasons include the following:

Lack of compatibility/common interests
Unproductive arguing and conflict
Lack of intimacy
Verbal, emotional, physical, or financial abuse
Addiction
Loss of identity
Illness or disability

Substance Use in Construction

Substance use, and the accompanying financial pressures and conflict, are not uncommonly listed as a reason for relationship breakup. The construction industry suffers some of the highest rates of drug and alcohol use and abuse in Canada.

A 2021 survey by LifeWorks found that

• 54% of construction workers have more than one drink per week, compared to 47% of other workers.

• 12% of construction workers have 15+ drinks per week, compared to 8% of workers overall.

• 21% of construction workers use recreational cannabis on a regular basis, compared to 15% of workers in other sectors.

Of employed men who die due to opioid use, 30 to 50 percent of them are employed in the trades.

Chris and Jazzmind Goeyardi and their daughter

Carson Wiebe

Doug Ogston

Till Work Do Us Part

Relationship Stats

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