Tuesday, June 16, 2020

There Are Many Pitfalls in the Rush to Judgment

How many times in our lives are we so convinced of something, often to the point of argument, only to learn there is more under the surface? We can be held back by quick judgments we don't even realize we are making

Blogs

By Nathan Mathews, Representative

One of my five-year-old daughter’s favourite requests at the dinner table is for us to play “the animal game.” It’s basically 20 questions—she thinks of an animal and we have to try and guess it.

The other night she was thinking of an animal that, according to her, could fly, swim, had no legs, and lived on a pond near our house. This one stumped us. What could fly, swim, lived near us, but had no legs?

After finally giving up, she told us it was obviously a duck. My wife and I tried to explain that ducks do have legs, but she was adamant that she sees them swimming on the pond every day, and she does not see any legs.

It took almost five minutes to convince her that ducks in fact did have legs under the surface of the water. She just could not see them.

How many times in our lives are we so convinced of something—often to the point of argument—only to learn there is more under the surface? Our judgments, though often helpful, can be the principal hindrance in our success.

Whether we are talking about work, friendships, or life decisions, it is prudent for us to take stock of what might be beneath the surface. What judgments am I making that need to be reviewed? This is no easy task, as frequently I am unaware of the judgments that I am making.

So where am I going with this? Over my life, some of my biggest mistakes in relationships and in work have been because I was quick to judge without thinking. I have been trying to work on this over the last several years, and here are three insights that have helped me:

Stop. Before you go into a meeting, a social occasion, or discuss a difficult decision, try to stop and remember that you are not the only person in the room. You carry with you judgments that may be completely wrong.
Be open. Be open to other ideas, other relationships, and other options. You don’t have to land there—just be open to other opinions and judgments.
Say yes, and . . . In improv comedy, one of the cardinal rules is to never shut down the other participants. You should always accept the other participant’s line of thinking and then expand on it. This works amazingly well in work and in life to allow for others opinions and to check your judgments. Again, you don’t have to end up where the other opinions are, but by answering “yes and . . .” you are not only open to other possibilities but you engage with them.

I am by no means an expert—in fact, I fail often at checking my judgments. But the more I have worked on this, the more I have found it easier to build trust with others, be creative, be patient, and ultimately to make better decisions.

There Are Many Pitfalls in the Rush to Judgment

You might be interested in