Wednesday, September 8, 2021

The Strength to Bend

Sometimes it’s best to be strong and uncompromising. But more often than not, approaching ideas with flexibility is ideal

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By André van Heerden, Communications Director

I’ve always been someone who appreciates when things are clearly defined, with clear parameters and rules. When I was a soccer referee, I’d make my calls strictly, quickly, and with confidence. There was no doubt others knew what the call was and that there was no point in debating it.

I’ve since encouraged other refs to do the same, and for sports officials, I think it’s good advice. However, the strength and firmness needed as a ref could be a detriment in other areas.

Many coaches are loud, forceful, and intractable. Some may see these traits as strengths, but the best coaches must be able to continue to learn, adapt, and listen to others. Players should also be confident in their abilities—but not to the point of ignoring the advice and input of other players and coaches.

One of the reasons that both coaches and players need to be flexible is to build strong relationships with each other. Author and journalist Shane Snow notes, “The most successful people—in both business and relationships—are not ‘strong’ so much as they’re flexible!” He makes this observation partially based on a paper in the Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science that examined more than 200 relationship studies. It concluded that people with “psychological flexibility” have better romantic and family relationships.

Psychological flexibility is being open to new experiences—even challenging ones. It requires you to be able to look at things from different perspectives and empathize; to face difficult feelings, thoughts, and experiences; and to believe that everyone—even those who have made big mistakes—can change. The findings indicate that while strength is admired, particularly in leaders, it was those who were flexible who led the most successful teams and projects.

A few years ago, the Communications Team went to a conference where we attended workshops on how to improve design, communication, and our ability to work together. We met afterward and shared what we had learned and discussed what we could do to improve our day-to-day work.

One simple idea has stayed with us years later. When encountering pushback on certain projects or ideas, we were told to weigh how important it was on a bigger scale. Out of 10, how much did it really matter? Would it detrimentally impact CLAC or our brand? Would it have long term repercussions? What other creative solutions could we find? Would being flexible now help build stronger relationships later?

This rating system allowed us to step outside of our personal perspectives and consider the bigger picture. If we rated something a three in terms of importance to the bigger picture, is it really worth fighting and debating about? This has helped us focus on important projects while enabling more flexibility in other areas.

The idea of strength through flexibility reminded me of the Aesop’s fable The Oak and the Reeds. When I read the story again, I can’t help but think that it’s sometimes good to stand against powerful forces and be strong in the face of adversity.

But the key is to not to let pride cloud our judgment. The Oak needs to fight the good fight and be wise, just like with a good soccer referee. It’s good to be firm in your decisions, but in the end you must still have the humility and wisdom to keep learning if you want to improve and work well with others.

The Strength to Bend

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