The Path Less Chosen

As a lifelong Vancouver Canucks fan, I have learned to live with disappointment in my life. I am still haunted by the 4-0 drubbing at the hands of the Boston Bruins in game seven of the 2011 Stanley Cup final. I considered going to counselling after that loss. A friend of mine (who isn’t much of a sports fan) said to me after the game, “Cheer up. At least they came in second.” That’s the closest I’ve ever come to committing murder.

Sports losses aside, I’ve had to learn to live with multiple disappointments in my life. Despite my best efforts, things don’t always go my way. Friends jam on me. My kids aren’t “adulting” very well. I don’t get the promotion at work. My car breaks down on the way to an important meeting. Facing disappointment is part of the human condition, something all of us will have to wrestle with at one time or another. 

But perhaps the most challenging times in my life came when I was forced to wrestle with profound disappointment in myself. It’s one thing to face a test that comes at you from the outside. It’s quite another to look inward and realize that time and time again, you’ve lost internal battles and were forced to face the consequences with no one to blame but yourself. Promises made and not kept. Goals set and not remotely accomplished. A wake of broken relationships and hurt and pain. 

If you’ve ever been forced to look inside and face your own darkness, one of two things can happen. One way is to become bitter and lash out at the world around you. You see it time and time again, especially in the workplace. Many people blame their life circumstances on their “lousy job” or “the boss” or “the people I have to work with.” The belief is that your internal problems would be fixed if only you could change your external circumstances. That is why people jump from job to job or from relationship to relationship. They’re always looking for a fix that comes from somewhere or someone else.  

The other way to deal with what’s inside is to learn humility and gratitude. This is the path less chosen. Humility comes when you realize "there but for the grace of God go I." You lose your judgment toward others when you come to the realization that the darkness inside you is capable of some pretty awful stuff. The reason you haven’t “gone there” or “done that” has more to do with grace, forgiveness, and just plain old luck than it has to do with willpower, discipline, and a good upbringing.

Gratitude comes when you spend more time being thankful for what you have rather than being bitter about what you don’t have. Things could have been worse. You could have caused more pain, heartache, and destruction. But despite your failings, you have some pretty wonderful things in your life. 

I have a fridge magnet with the Serenity Prayer on it to remind me of the right way to think about circumstances in my life: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” 

In my hopes and dreams, maybe if I pray this enough, there will be a Stanley Cup parade one day in Vancouver.