Thursday, December 29, 2022

Thankful in the Face of Failed Expectations

High expectations are a great motivator, but they should be tempered with gratitude

By André van Heerden, Communications Director

People are funny—myself included. We can go from elated and excited over something and then, moments later without much changing, be disappointed and upset.

I was thrilled when the Canadian men’s soccer team qualified for the FIFA World Cup. In fact, they not only qualified, they won the CONCACAF competition over such higher ranked teams as Mexico and the United States! It has been 36 years since Canada made it to the men’s World Cup so it was a huge achievement.

At the recent World Cup in Qatar, Canada faced a tough challenge as all the teams in their group were ranked considerably higher than them. Morocco is ranked 22nd, Croatia is ranked 12th, and Belgium is ranked second in the world. With Canada ranked only 41st, my expectations should have been low and I should’ve been happy if Canada even scored a goal—something that they had never done before at the global tournament.

But then incredibly they outplayed Belgium in their first match! They lost 1-0 but they had more chances and looked stronger and could have taken the lead on a first half penalty shot! Suddenly my expectations skyrocketed. I believed that not only should Canada win their next two matches and possibly their group, they should do well in the knock-out rounds.

Of course, I was heartbroken when they lost to Croatia and then Morocco. Suddenly, I was upset over results that shouldn’t have been a surprise. And rather than being happy that we scored our first goals ever at a World Cup, and being happy that we competed at the highest level, I was grumpy about how we lost.

Having high expectations is a good way to push yourself and others to do better. Arguably, it’s hard to succeed in life without them. But being able to balance expectations with gratitude—even in the face of disappointments—is important for resilience and happiness.

Cartoonist Bill Watterson said, “I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.” Life might be easier this way, but it likely wouldn’t be very challenging or rewarding. An employer wouldn’t be happy to hear that their employees have low expectations of their workplace or their work. As a parent, I wouldn’t be happy to hear that my children have low expectations for their school or their schoolwork.

But high expectations must be tempered, because those without gratitude or perspective can lead to an ugly sense of entitlement. And that’s the key to overcoming disappointment in the face of failed expectations: finding something to still be thankful for.

If a bonus at work isn’t as big as you’d like, be thankful that it’s still a bonus. If your car’s repairs are more expensive than expected, be thankful that you still have a vehicle. If your favourite soccer team doesn’t perform as you’d have liked, be thankful that they made it as far as they did.

Thankful in the Face of Failed Expectations

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