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Friday, May 17, 2024

Stop Taking Work So Personally

Our jobs provide more than a paycheque. They can offer a sense of purpose, growth, and community

Over time, what we do can become too intertwined with who we are. This is especially true for people who are “sensitive strivers.” When you’re driven to perform and also think and feel everything more deeply, it’s easy for interactions to have a direct—and often disproportionate—impact on your emotions, self-worth, and identity.

While equating your value as a person with your performance at work is common, it’s also possible to break free from the pattern.

5 Ways to Take Work Less Personally

  1. Ride the wave without reacting. When you take something personally, your brain thinks you’re under attack. This sends your fear response skyrocketing. You may feel hurt, defensive, anxious, or even angry. The key is to ride the wave and experience the negative emotions without letting them define you or dictate your actions.
  2. Interrupt internalization. Before you go down a negative spiral, pause and consider at least two alternative explanations for someone’s behaviour or words. For instance, if a coworker seems dismissive, instead of assuming they don’t value your input, consider that they may have had a challenging morning or perhaps they didn’t fully grasp the topic at hand. Try seeking clarification in a nonconfrontational way.
  3. Build immunity to your fears. Instead of avoiding situations, build immunity in small doses—a process called desensitization. Every time you take a risk and experience an unpleasant emotion, you expand your capacity to tolerate discomfort. In fact, studies find that exposing yourself to stressful situations can lessen fear and avoidance by up to 90 percent. This can be as simple as raising your hand to offer an idea before it’s fully developed, or proactively seeking feedback.
  4. Find meaning in failure. When a project doesn’t go as planned or a proposal is rejected, it’s easy to internalize these setbacks as personal failures. While no one likes failing, it’s important to take meaning from it. This more mature approach allows you to embrace the messy, unpredictable nature of work without letting it define your sense of self. This allows you to learn from the situation and do better in the future.
  5. Find humour, or pity, when others act out. Don’t see another person’s bad behaviour as your fault. Most of the time, a person’s poor reaction is not about you—it’s about their own emotional immaturity. It might help to picture the other person as a scared child or to hear their mean comments in a silly voice, which helps diffuse their power. These mental tricks help shift your perspective from taking things personally to viewing the situation with empathy.

Remember, taking things personally at work is not a sign of weakness but a reflection of your passion, commitment, and deep sense of responsibility. By approaching situations with more objectivity, you can navigate your professional journey with greater clarity, balance, and effectiveness.

Source: Harvard Business Review