Sunday, November 13, 2022

Mind the Gap—I’m Doing Fine, Thanks! (Part 2 of 2)

Allow your wise self to take the lead when you are faced with things that affect you

By Quentin Steen, Representative

I’m doing fine, thanks! How many times have those words stumbled out of my mouth without even passing through my current reality?

Good question. Too many times to count for me. What about you?

Usually, when I mindlessly repeat these words, I do so without much hesitation and usually for one of two reasons.

First, I just don’t have the type of relationship with this person that warrants such a conversation.

Second, I really don’t want to talk about it for several reasons, not the least of which is the sense I sometimes get that the person asking isn’t really interested right now or might not enjoy the truth.

So, as harsh as it may sound, I quickly respond with “I’m doing fine; thanks for asking.” My hope is that is the end of the conversation, even when the relationship with the person I’m responding to is robust enough to engage my reality in the moment.

But there is one more reason. Occasionally, my fine is connected to an acronym that I’ve picked up along my journey. For those of you who are “well-travelled,” you might know what I’m referring to.

I’m doing FINE in some circles is an acronym representing something much more than a single state of being, especially in our darker days.

• F – F---ed up

• I – Irrational

• N – Neurotic

• E – Emotional

The simple truth is that just because I might appear able to carry my stuff well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy for me. It doesn’t mean it’s crushing me, but it’s all I can handle—and not one emotional ounce more.

The goal isn’t always to get over something. It isn’t essential and may be unnecessary to get to a place where I’m unaffected but to be honest and open with the emotional weight of those things that weigh me down.

Being affected lets me know that something mattered. Being affected lets me know that I care, even if I hide it.

Being affected lets you know that the things that were not okay still aren’t. This is the perspective of what I call my wise self. We all have one.

The challenge we may always face to some degree is learning to trust ourselves.

Allow your wise self to take the lead when you are faced with things that affect you. Use its perspective to gain power while maintaining the core values that give you direction and motivation for the kind of life you want to live but find yourself battling with consistency.

As counterintuitive as it may seem, the sweet spot for personal transformation seems to be somewhere in the gap between what is and what is yet to come.

Quentin Steen is a certified mental health first aid instructor for the Mental Health Commission of Canada. Read the first part of this blog series by clicking here.

Get your BRAIN right and your MIND will follow!

4 Mental Health Resources to Help You

If you or someone you know is struggling with a mental health issue, CLAC has a number of resources and interactive tools available to help you at My Health and Wellness.
Stronger Minds features videos and quick reads from mental health experts, activities to help you gain resilience, and ask-an-expert videos in response to questions.
WellCan offers free well-being resources to help Canadians develop coping strategies and build resilience to help deal with uncertainty, mental health, and substance abuse concerns.
Wellness Together Canada: Mental Health and Substance Use Support provides free online resources, tools, apps, and connections to trained volunteers and qualified mental health professionals.

Mind the Gap—I’m Doing Fine, Thanks! (Part 2 of 2)

4 Mental Health Resources to Help You

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