Wednesday, January 22, 2025

Managing Your Emotions During an Argument at Work

Have you ever gotten into an intense argument at work and said something you regretted?

It’s human nature to get emotional during an argument. It can happen to any of us during times of heightened stress—like when you and your team are tackling a difficult task or facing a looming deadline.

Amy Gallo, author of the book Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People), says a little self-awareness can go a long way toward defusing tense situations in the workplace.

“Imagine you’re being chased by a bear,” she said recently in a Harvard Business Review podcast. “Scary, right? Now, think about a tense conversation or a difficult negotiation at work. This disagreement may be hard and even uncomfortable, but you’re not panicking like you were with the bear, right?”

It’s not always that simple, she cautions.

“Whether it’s a bear or your boss, those sweaty palms, that knot in your stomach, the racing heart—it’s all part of your body’s ancient fight-or-flight survival mechanism. The body makes a chemical choice to protect itself, and when that happens, rational thinking shuts down.”

To make matters worse, thanks to something called mirror neurons, your coworker can catch your stressful reactions, and the conflict can spiral out of control.

People who can learn to interrupt these physiological reactions can deescalate a situation before they say or do something they regret.

So, how do you cool things off when tempers (yours and others) start to flare?

1. Distance yourself from the negative emotion by labelling it.

What are you really feeling? Frustration, for example, is different from anger or disappointment. Determine what caused these emotions. Once you take a step back and think critically, you can start resolving the situation.

2. Just breathe.

What are you feeling in your chest or in your stomach? Is anything painful, shaky, or tight? Remind yourself that this is what automatically happens when you feel threatened. You can make yourself relax by taking deeper and slower breaths.

3. Just move.

Stressful feelings can build up if they are your only focus. Gallo says getting up and walking around “can activate the rational thinking part of your brain and help you process your emotions.” You can lower the tension and reset the discussion by saying something like, “I’m sorry to interrupt. I’d love to get a quick cup of coffee before we continue. Can I get you something while I’m up?”

4. Try visualization.

Think of a calming phrase or mantra. You might say to yourself, “this isn’t about me,” or “remain neutral.” If your colleague is agitated, picture their words flowing past you and not landing.

Implementing these four calming techniques will help silence those warning bells going off in your brain so you and your team can focus on finding solutions.

Source: hbr.org

Managing Your Emotions During an Argument at Work

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