Wednesday, December 18, 2019 Magic Words That Can Calm Conversations Guide Magazine If you’ve ever had a tough, tense conversation—and who hasn’t?—you know that choosing your words wisely can make the conversation run relatively smoothly, rather than flaring up into an inferno. Linguists have recently found that using nouns rather than verbs can help calm a tense conversation. But what does that look like? The researchers used various phrases regarding the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, such as, “I support the division of Jerusalem” versus “I support dividing Jerusalem.” The second sentence inspired much stronger negative reactions than the first. Why? The first sentence is a statement of abstract belief whereas the second one describes a course of action and is more likely to get people riled up. This pairs well with what we already know about calming tense conversations. For years, we’ve been told to avoid laying blame (not using the word you) and to avoid using absolutes such as always and never. So how can you use this knowledge at work and in your day-to-day life? Carefully chose your words and suggestions to avoid statements that seem to imply blame or a required course of action. Instead, talk in more abstract terms about an event that happened, or an idea that could be implemented. This way you can gain feedback rather than knee-jerk reactions. Rather than saying, “You need to fix this problem,” say “This problem needs to be fixed.” Instead of saying, “You always show up late,” say “Late arrivals cause difficulties for other staff members.” This doesn’t mean you have to avoid addressing issues—it simply provides a more effective, less tense way to talk things through. Of course this tactic may not always be the right one. Plus, even when you use it, you may not always be successful, and some people will be offended no matter how gently you word a concern or criticism. But by watching your words, you should be better able to build rather than break relationships, and be more successful in getting people on your side. Sources: The Economist, familyeducation.com You might be interested in Standing Your Ground, and Staying Steady on the Job 4 Jun 2026 CLAC Partners with Alberta Government to Advance Skilled Trades Training and Accelerate Certification 4 Jun 2026 Strathcona Mechanical Workers Ratify New Agreement Providing Wage, Scheduling Improvements 3 Jun 2026 Ready to Deliver 3 Jun 2026