Thursday, October 1, 2020

Leaving Room for Being Wrong

If there is any truth in the idea that we learn more from our mistakes than from our successes, then perhaps it’s time for a posture shift toward the celebration of mistakes

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By Geoff Dueck Thiessen, Regional Director, Winnipeg Member Centre

I recently told my 17-year-old son that he should consider being less sure of his opinions, because people don’t usually appreciate working with or being friends with someone who always has to be right. It’s refreshing to have a conversation with someone who readily admits they made a mistake or they don’t know.

As I said this to my son, I recognized the dishonesty in my advice. The times I have admitted to being wrong or to not knowing seem few.

From before the time I wrote my first test in school, I knew it was better to be right than to be wrong. Through all of the tests, exams, assignments, experiments, debates, music recitals, and arguments throughout school, I cannot recall a time when getting the right answer wasn’t the goal.

For nearly five decades, I have worked hard to be smart about the subject matter related to my employment, my parenting, being a spouse, home ownership, and voting in elections—all in the effort of being right. This seems to make sense. Of course we want to increase our knowledge and become better at finding solutions.

What I cannot recall is ever having received positive feedback for being wrong.

If I was open to being wrong more often, how much easier would it be for me to learn from others and choose a better path? Or do I really believe I’m the smartest person on the planet?

Do I secretly believe that if I’m wrong, it will bring discreditation and humiliation upon me? Of course it wouldn’t.

One of my most frustrating experiences as a representative negotiating collective agreements is when the bargaining committee and I put together what we think is a very creative proposal to address a workplace problem. The employer considers our proposal, and declines it.

Okay, so we are back to the drawing board to take another stab at it. That attempt is declined as well.

What is frustrating is that while we know we’ve still not found the answer the employer will agree to, they aren’t participating in the process of getting to the right answer and ultimately solving the workplace problem.

One answer to the above situation is that the employer is just resistant to union involvement in workplace problem solving. While that may be true, imagine a world where opponents happily participate in the experiment of getting it wrong, and then work together to get it right—without any attempt to hold triumph over the other for failure.

When we step back from our positions and think of this as a method, it seems crazy. But if there is any truth in the idea that we learn more from our mistakes than from our successes, then perhaps it’s time for a posture shift toward the celebration of mistakes.

Here are three practical ways we can make that shift:

The reverse debate – Practice various was to admit you don’t know. “I’m not sure.” “I’d like to learn more about that.” “I don’t know.” “What can you tell me about that?”
Deep democracy – Seek out the alternate view, not to prove it wrong, but to see what you can learn from it. “I like this idea.” “I’m curious about what the opposite view is.” “What we can learn from it?”
Apology – Learn to offer a good apology readily and openly. “I see now that I got it wrong. I’m sorry for that.” “It wasn’t my intent to cause harm, but I see that my mistake did hurt you. I’m willing to find a way to repair that.” But beware of the bad apology. Tip: Don’t ask for forgiveness, and don’t apologize “if something I did might have caused you pain.”

If we’re going to create a better workplace—and a better world—we need to leave room for ourselves and others to be wrong. The problems humanity faces, such as the current pandemic, seem to be increasingly complex. Can we really expect that our leaders would get it right when they’ve never managed a pandemic before, especially with a new disease?

Yet in our increasingly polarized political climate, opponents lie in wait, ready to pounce on every mistake governments have made. This is on full display in the dreaded social media comments.

I don’t know how effective it would be to run a political campaign on a platform of “I’m not sure,” and “I might be wrong.” But it seems that by believing we’re always right, there are a great many things we are getting wrong—with great consequences.

Perhaps it’s time to seriously consider that many of our systems and decisions were and are faulty and need to be changed or abandoned. In that humility, we could happily participate in the experiment of getting it wrong, and embrace each other to find better, more sustainable solutions.

Leaving Room for Being Wrong

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