Wednesday, November 9, 2022

Keep It Simple and Tell It Straight

When it comes to difficult conversations, telling the simple truth may be the most respectful and helpful thing you can do

By André van Heerden, Communications Director

Witnesses in court cases are often coached by their lawyers to keep their answers as short as possible. The idea is that the more they say, the more that they may be questioned about or challenged on later.

They will do their best if they just give the facts of what they know without any interpretation or speculation. The less said, the less that they can be held accountable for.

This is actually good advice in many situations in life, including at work.

In my previous job, I had the unpleasant task of letting someone go from their job. She was a good worker and good at her specialized role, but the needs of the business had changed. Although she had tried to transition into a new role, it hadn’t worked out.

When she came to see me, we exchanged some small talk, and then I explained that the needs of our business had changed. Unfortunately, we had to let her go.

She asked why since she was now fulfilling a new business need. I didn’t want to say the hard truth: she wasn’t capable to do the job.

For a few minutes, I spoke in generalities and platitudes. This led to her being confused and frustrated until I said plainly that she wasn’t able to fill the role as we required.

This made things clear and surprisingly easier, and we were able to work out her severance. A lot of aggravation could have been avoided though if I had communicated clearly and simply up front.

Often, we may try to be nice by saying things like, “It’s not you. It’s me.” But people can sense when the truth isn’t being shared and will press for it.

This can lead to arguments that you’re trying to avoid. People try to avoid conflict, but the fear of conflict—which may lead to lying or hiding what we’re really saying—is likely to cause more conflict.

On at least a weekly basis, I get inquiries from companies and individuals trying to interest me and CLAC in everything from media services to IT services to swag options to blog content.

After reviewing the request and determining we don’t need what they are selling, I used to reply that this wasn’t a good time for us. But this only led them to asking me again in a month or two.

Or I’d reply that we were happy with the current services we had. But this led to them questioning the quality or price of those services.

I soon discovered that the best response was the most direct and honest: “I’m sorry, but I’m declining your offer.”

Russian novelist and Nobel prize winner Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn wrote, “We do not err because truth is difficult to see. It is visible at a glance. We err because this is more comfortable.”

In our daily lives and work, it’s good to be kind to others. We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and being respectful is just good manners.

But when it comes to difficult conversations, telling the simple truth may be the most respectful and helpful thing you can do. Being directly truthful often saves time, stops miscommunication, and ultimately leads to greater trust in the future.

Keep It Simple and Tell It Straight

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