Monday, August 14, 2023

It's Always about You

We are all responsible for our own reactions and behaviour

By Quentin Steen, Representative/BC Member Education Coordinator

My 53 years of life lived on the third rock from the sun leads to a sobering conclusion: whatever it is you hide from others will eventually pour out somewhere else.

Suppose you’re driving along, and someone cuts you off in traffic. Your immediate response is instant rage. That reaction is not surface anger over a traffic injustice. It’s a deeply rooted anger that has nothing to do with the ignorant driver. I’m not a therapist, but I would bet that it’s a deep-seated anger, most likely based on feelings of being disregarded, unseen, unheard, ignored, disrespected, etc. Those are feelings that took root well before you were legally able to drive.

Feelings that lie just beneath the surface of the façade we hide behind wait for the opportunity to express themselves, sometimes when we least expect it (i.e. job performance reviews, family gatherings, parking tickets, Facebook comments, minor arguments, etc.)

We feel what we feel. No one makes me react. I choose my reactions. Our reactivity is always about us, never our circumstances, or others. I am responsible for my behaviours. You are responsible for your reactivity and your behaviours. Full stop.

The connection we need to be mindful of and learn to work with is how we encode the feelings we feel and where those feelings originate. The formula here is simple and primal:

The event + how our brains encode said event + feelings associated with what we encode = behaviours we act on.

I know all too well what this runaway train looks like and the feelings that power it. But there is hope for you and your mental well-being. Next month we will begin to unpack this hope.

Instead of being held hostage by your feelings and behaviours that wreak havoc with your mental well-being, let it rain next time so it doesn’t have to pour.

That’s my feeble attempt at foreshadowing next month’s Mental Health Moment.

4 Mental Health Resources to Help You

If you or someone you know is struggling with a mental health issue, CLAC has a number of resources and interactive tools available to help you at My Health and Wellness.
Stronger Minds features videos and quick reads from mental health experts, activities to help you gain resilience, and ask-an-expert videos in response to questions.
WellCan offers free well-being resources to help Canadians develop coping strategies and build resilience to help deal with uncertainty, mental health, and substance abuse concerns.
Wellness Together Canada: Mental Health and Substance Use Support provides free online resources, tools, apps, and connections to trained volunteers and qualified mental health professionals.

It's Always about You

4 Mental Health Resources to Help You

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