Wednesday, March 10, 2021

It’s a Mystery

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes . . . including you”

By André van Heerden, Communications Director

I’ve always admired my eldest daughter’s work ethic. She’s one of those people who when receiving a school assignment would begin it right away. Even if the deadline wasn’t for a few weeks, she would tackle it like it was due in a few days.

It actually spoiled my wife and I as parents as we never had to ask her if she had homework, or if there was an assignment coming due. We knew she was on top of it. It came as a bit of a shock to discover that not every child is like this—as some of our other children proved.

Our eldest’s ability to focus and get working has served her well. Even in subjects that she wasn’t strong in, like math and science, she got good grades as she persevered and kept trying to improve.

It was funny on a parent-interview night when her accounting teacher told us that she would make an excellent accountant. My wife and I looked at each other in surprise and I said, “Um, but she’s really not that strong at math.” To which he replied, “Well, no, she isn’t. But there’s a lot more to accounting than math.” Who knew?

So, as this daughter is completing her final year at university and graduation, she’s now wondering what she does next. It’s a huge question that most postsecondary graduates face. A lifetime of schooling has led to this moment.

Now what?

Like she’s always done, she tackled the challenge with gusto. She listed out her options, pros and cons of different directions, did research, spoke to dozens of people in different professions, networked with others, spoke to counsellors, and prayed about it. But even after all this, she still wasn’t sure. And she was now frustrated and stuck.

I recommended that she do something totally not connected to her problem. It could be a run, reading a book, baking, watching a movie—really anything, as long as it wasn’t connected to school and her future direction. I even suggested that it should be something silly and fun and even pointless. I felt that she had done the hard work and now needed time and a break to let that effort bear fruit.

Working hard at any job is a good thing. But sometimes we can be so close to a job that making important decisions can be difficult.

Author Ann Lamott notes that “almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes . . . including you.”

Another author, Douglas Pagels, writes that “sometimes it’s important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it’s essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.”

It has been a number of years since my daughter thought that dad had all the answers, but at least the advice made her smile. And thankfully, it did seem to relieve the pressure and let her focus shift to other things.

And after a time of letting it go, a direction forward, even if just for the shorter term, became clearer to her. And life continued.

It reminds me of a great scene in the movie Shakespeare in Love. The play’s producer, Mr. Henslowe, is being threatened to deliver the play.

Philip Henslowe: Mr. Fennyman, allow me to explain about the theatre business. The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster.

Hugh Fennyman: So what do we do?

Philip Henslowe: Nothing. Strangely enough, it all turns out well.

Hugh Fennyman: How?

Philip Henslowe: I don’t know. It’s a mystery.

I think the mystery is often explained by stepping back and getting a break from a problem. If you’ve put in the time and work, a little distance—and even silliness—can give a new perspective and often solutions become more apparent.

It’s a Mystery

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