Wednesday, January 29, 2025

“If I Were You, I Would . . .”

We’ve all faced times when others have offered unwanted advice on how to do our job. Here’s how to respond with tactfulness and respect

Guide magazine

When a coworker offers you unwelcome advice on how to do a task, it can be annoying. If they repeatedly do this, it can quickly become tiresome and lead to unpleasant exchanges that can turn the workplace toxic.

There are many times when advice is welcome, such as from a mentor. This is especially true when doing a new task, and you should pay attention to the experience of others.

But we all face times when coworkers—or your boss or supervisor—think they know best when they don’t, particularly for tasks that you’ve mastered or have the skills and education to perform competently. Their unwelcome intrusion is not only annoying, it can present problems for you as you’re trying to get your work done. It can feel like they are questioning your competency and skills.

The key to resolving this unwelcome attention, no matter how well meaning, is to know how to stand up for yourself clearly, kindly, and assertively. Here are four strategies for how to set boundaries around unsolicited advice.

1. Ensure your coworker understands you’ve made your decision.

Be direct and commanding when addressing the suggestion so it’s clear you’ve decided on your course of action. Say “Thanks for your feedback, but I’ve decided to do it this way,” rather than “I’m thinking about doing it this way.” This makes it clear that you’ve already made up your mind and that you are sure that your course of action is the correct one.

2. Show that you have support.

Let your coworker know that you’ve been doing it your way successfully for some time. Offer proof if needed, such as positive outcomes of work completed safely and on time. Even if the success is in its early stages, you can point to the positive direction that the work is taking. Mention any approval you’ve received from your supervisor or manager.

3. Compliment your coworker while setting boundaries.

For example, tell them that’s a good idea, or an interesting thought, but you’re sticking with the current plan so you can meet the deadline. You can remind them that you’ll keep their ideas in mind for the future. You can also say that your current course of action has been taken after careful consideration and input.

4. Be clear about what input you are open to.

It may very well be that for the current task, you already have clearly established procedures and know what you’re doing. But there may be other areas of your work where input would be helpful. This flips the script from unsolicited advice to asking for it when you really do need it. This will make your coworker feel valued and will strengthen your relationship.

Keep in mind that in most cases, your coworker, supervisor, or boss likely has the best of intentions to help you succeed and work better. Most people are not looking for confrontation or trying to be argumentative. They are making suggestions because they sincerely desire the best outcomes for the workplace.

Knowing this will help you to navigate unwanted advice and take it less personally.

Sources: hbr.org, themuse.com

“If I Were You, I Would . . .”

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