How to Tame a Complainer

You know the type. There is always something for them to grumble about, whether it’s their home life or how much the boss is riding them. And no matter what advice you give, they never seem to change. 

This type of coworker can certainly be distracting, or at worst, be a safety hazard by diverting your attention from the task at hand. Unconsciously, they may be using their complaints to exert influence on a situation, or to help them feel powerful when faced with circumstances outside of their control. 

Experts note that chronic complainers may not even realize they are being negative. Instead, they believe that the world around them is negative and they are simply reacting to it. 

The next time you’re faced with a disagreeable workmate, use these talking points to help quell their quibbles. You likely won’t be able to change their tendency to criticize, but you can at least draw a line in the sand as to what you find acceptable in the workplace.

If they continually detract from work and responsibilities by talking about issues outside of the workplace, then say, "I think it might be best if we concentrate on the job at hand. We can chat over lunch, if you’d like.” 

If they ask for advice but never appear keen on applying your suggestions, especially when it comes to personal matters, then say, "I don’t think I can help you. Maybe talk with someone who has experience in this area or who knows your situation better.”

If they complain about the company’s management style, though you don’t agree with their view, then say, "Have you tried to bring these suggestions to management? With your experience, they might be receptive to your ideas.”

If they get caught up in a loop of negative thoughts that they feel necessary to share with you, then say, "When I feel this way, I step back and take stock of the good. But if I can’t find anything good, I consider what is in my power to change my situation.”

If they aren responsive to any of your previous suggestions, then say, "I would be more comfortable if we kept things positive. How about we turn on some music?” 

If they still aren't taking the hint, say nothing. Just listen and nod.

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