Monday, January 8, 2024 Grief and Getting Over It We can’t heal what we can’t or won’t feel Newsletters National By Quentin Steen, Representative/BC Member Education Coordinator Every time you experience change, you also share an element of loss. Change equals loss. And any loss, good or bad, is prone to the grieving process. It may not be evident at first, but when you gain something—even something better than what you had—you, in turn, lose something else that needs to make way for the new. Grief reflects a connection that was lost. Your grief is as unique to you as your fingerprint. It is part of the human experience. The problem is when you, for whatever reason, grieve in silence. Maybe you were told at a young age to keep your issues to yourself or that your experience is not as significant as you make it out to be, and all you need to do is stiffen your spine and power through it instead of being weak. Numerous cultures throughout human history (e.g., Viking, Indigenous, etc.) processed grief in community. In fact, numerous ceremonies and rituals aid the process of grief. It is understood that a person’s grief is to be witnessed and held by their community. In other words, where everyone goes, we all go, because next it might be my turn for my loss/grief to be witnessed by my tribe. Pain is inevitable in this life, but suffering is optional. So, a distinction must be made between the pain and suffering you experience in life. Pain is what you feel. Suffering is where your mind goes with it. Feeling the loss without returning to your old patterns is how you move through the pain without being caught up in self-induced suffering. How do you feel when that’s not happening? Listen to the voices playing out in your head. Any statement other than empathy is a good indicator: I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve this. I deserve this. It was never meant for me. We are the cruellest to ourselves, aren’t we? We would never let somebody else speak to those we love like that. But we do it all the time to ourselves. Think about it. If you were to come across somebody speaking to your friend (or daughter, son, spouse, grandparent) and say things like, you never deserve it, you’re not good enough, you’re unlovable, and that’s why this happened, you would most likely stop it or, at the very least, console them with what is true. I want to leave you with a post I saw on a friend’s Instagram: Nothing has shaped my life like grief has. So, when people say, when will you get over it? My answer is . . . I hope never. Nothing has shaped my life around living and who and what matters most to me more than the reality of how short it all is and how much I want to be me while there is still time. Quentin Steen is a certified mental health first aid instructor for the Mental Health Commission of Canada. Get your BRAIN right and your MIND will follow! 4 Mental Health Resources to Help You If you or someone you know is struggling with a mental health issue, CLAC has a number of resources and interactive tools available to help you at My Health and Wellness. Stronger Minds features videos and quick reads from mental health experts, activities to help you gain resilience, and ask-an-expert videos in response to questions. WellCan offers free well-being resources to help Canadians develop coping strategies and build resilience to help deal with uncertainty, mental health, and substance abuse concerns. Wellness Together Canada: Mental Health and Substance Use Support provides free online resources, tools, apps, and connections to trained volunteers and qualified mental health professionals. You might be interested in Why We Work Safely 5 Jun 2026 Standing Your Ground, and Staying Steady on the Job 4 Jun 2026 CLAC Partners with Alberta Government to Advance Skilled Trades Training and Accelerate Certification 4 Jun 2026 Strathcona Mechanical Workers Ratify New Agreement Providing Wage, Scheduling Improvements 3 Jun 2026