Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Great Expectations

Don’t fold under the weight of lofty goals and expectations. Instead, here are four life-giving practices and disciplines to foster

Guide Magazine

By Sue Siemens, Regional Director, Cambridge Member Centre

Our family did not have a great start to the new year. We had planned to go on a hike with a group of friends, all with young kids. A “hike” in this scenario meant two to three kilometres max at a painfully slow pace.

This was going to be great: get the kids outside, enjoy the fresh air, maybe even sneak in an adult conversation or two, really start the new year right! Nope.

Twenty minutes into our hike, our two-and-a-half-year-old twins had full-blown meltdowns—the type of meltdown that there’s no coming back from, just spiraling further into toddler hysteria. But by that point, we were too far into the hike to turn back, so we had no choice but to push through—no adult conversation, just two inconsolable toddlers with cold hands, sobbing into the abyss.

I really let that moment get the best of me and felt angry that this was the way our year had to start. But instead of folding under the weight of my expectations, I incorporated four practices and disciplines that I’ve been building into my life recently.

Be kind over being right. Oof. This one comes first because it’s the hardest one—for me anyway. Everyone has a different opinion, and it’s so tempting to make sure we prove that we know best. But none of us do. And even if we did, what’s the point if we don’t have any friends left? Just be kind. Goodness knows our world needs kindness more than ever right now.
Swallow your brain. I stole this line from Dr. Betty Pries, who spoke at CLAC’s National Convention, and it really stuck with me. When you show up to a relationship, a conversation, a conflict, let your brain move down to your heart so that you show up vulnerably, authentically, and really listen. Not listening to rebut, but with compassion, empathy, and humanity.
Do things for yourself. Once a day, do something that makes you feel good. I’m in a pretty busy phase of my life. Some days, I can manage an hour or two of being outside walking, running, etc. Some days, all I manage is eating nachos and watching Netflix after the kids go to bed or a minute of deep breathing while folding laundry.
Find your people but stay open to new relationships. Surround yourself often and intentionally with people who you can be most easily yourself around, who you can let your guard down with. But stay open and curious about forming new friendships with people you’d not normally choose to be with. I’ve been continually surprised when I’ve allowed myself to be open to people who I’ve unfairly made preconceived assumptions about.

The winter months are long, cold, and dark. Instead of inevitably folding under the weight and guilt of my lofty goals and expectations, I’m doing my best to foster the practices and disciplines that have been life-giving for me, both in my professional and personal life.

As for my kids, we’re working on building cold weather resilience . . . perhaps with the help of some chocolate and good old-fashioned bribery.

Great Expectations

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