Go to the Source to Avoid Misinterpreting Intention

By Geoff Dueck Thiessen, Regional Director

I’ve often said the most frequent complaint I’ve heard from members during my career as a representative is about the tone of voice a manager used with a member.

Many of us are very sensitive, and most of us are uncomfortable with conflict. Very often, we take a bit of information that causes us stress, and to make sense of that information, we make up a story. Or someone else makes up the story for us.

Think back to conflict situations you’ve talked about with your friends and family. As you discuss the conflict, how much energy goes into making up an explanation?

• “They’re probably trying to get rid of you.”

• “They just don’t care about their people.”

• “He doesn’t care about safety.”

• “She hates the union.”

• “I bet he was drunk.”

And how many times have you learned, some time later, that you weren’t right and there was actually a different explanation? How much energy would you save if you started by going to the source?

If you’re nervous about going to the source, here is a formula that might help. It’s called the DEI.

Describe what happened (without any judgment): “Hi. I noticed that yesterday you didn’t say hi to me.”

Express how you feel about it: “I’m worried that maybe I did something to make you unhappy.”

Invite a response: “Is there anything we need to talk about?”

The worst thing that happens is you will have a conversation. Most likely, things will be better after that. And if they aren’t better, then your story will likely be confirmed.