Friday, June 15, 2018

Fears for Tears

Do you have a colleague who cries at the first sign of stress? There are ways of working through those tears

Many of us may recall a time we’ve cried at work, but for some people it’s a regular occurrence. This can become a bigger issue than simply passing the tissue box, if the threat of tears prompts people to start working around an emotional colleague. If a coworker is facing a difficult personal issue, you should refer them to your HR department or your company employee assistance program so they can get professional support. But if your colleague is simply predisposed to easy tears, you’ll need to find a way to work together.

Six Tips for Dealing With a Teary Co-Worker

1. Don’t overreact
The fact that a crier is crying again doesn’t mean they’re having a breakdown; it’s just the way their body reacts to pressure. Keep your body language open and your language neutral. Pay close attention but do not becoming distressed yourself.

2. Note the trigger
Is it an event, a belief about someone else’s intentions, or a build-up of frustrations? Try to name the concrete cause. Say something like, “I can see that something just upset you. Was it . . .?” You want to start out by identifying it without delving into it.

3. Suggest a brief recovery period
You can protect your coworker’s dignity and take control of the situation simultaneously. Say, “Let’s take a quick break and then we’ll figure things out.” When you notice that your coworker has calmed down, you can resume the conversation.

4. Stick to the point
Avoid questions that invite a litany of woes, such as, “What’s going on?” Instead, ask the person, “What do we need to accomplish right now?” Encourage your coworker to focus on the work at hand.

5. Don’t commiserate
It’s okay to acknowledge, “I’m sorry you’re upset,” but minimize any sense of drama. Resist getting upset yourself, even if you’re frustrated. It will only encourage even more emotion.

6. Announce a conclusion
This is a two-fold step. First, declare what needs to be done and ensure that you’ve each committed to follow up. Second, end discussion so there’s no wallowing in emotion. “So here’s what we’re going to do—you’ll handle X, and I’ll arrange a call with Y.” If you remain calm, you can help tear-prone coworkers move past their emotions and focus on the work at hand. Over time, they’ll become better at curbing their reactions. And you’ll be happier working with them.

Cold Comfort

Canadians (and those in colder climates) are more likely to shed tears in general. A 37-nation study by Tilburg University in the Netherlands found a correlation between frigid annual temperatures and proneness to crying.

Sources: Harvard Business Review, Psychology Today, NBC News, Elle Canada, jezebel.com

Fears for Tears

Six Tips for Dealing With a Teary Co-Worker

Cold Comfort

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