Thursday, August 12, 2021

Epic Fail Chemistry

Making good connections with people is a great skill to have. It can help both in our personal lives as well as at work. But how can we do it?

By André van Heerden, Communications Director

I recently watched the movie Enola Holmes with my family. It’s a mystery adventure that follows the teen sister of Sherlock Holmes as she tries to find her eccentric mother and blaze her own path in life. It was well-produced and acted and had an interesting plot, a clever mystery, recreated 1884 England nicely, and had some good suspense and action.

But what I found myself most invested in, and smiling the most at, was the building attraction between the two young adults, Enola and Lord Tewkesbury. It was that relationship that kept my interest more than the mystery, the action, the stars, and the plot.

Both characters make mistakes in front of each other. Both characters act foolishly in front of the other. Both characters show their flaws but despite those shortcomings, find something that they also like. I believed in their interest in each other and they seemed like a good match.

It reminded me of how much more comfortable people are around those who make mistakes or admit their gaffes.

Just the other week when I was coaching soccer, I tried demonstrating a certain move to an under 10 girl’s rep team. My foot got caught on the small ball halfway through the move and I ended up spinning, losing my balance, having both feet launch into the air, and land flat and hard on my back. I was told by others that the ground literally shook.

The first thing I heard was one girl say in a small voice: “I don’t want to try that move now.” Since then the girls have had great fun teasing me about it, but are also much more comfortable making their own mistakes and trying things they’re not good at. It was a great bonding moment.

Actor Hugh Grant, known for having good chemistry with co-stars, says that to create that sense of a building relationship, “Suffering together is fantastic. And the sad truth is, if people haven’t let themselves down in front of me—you know, made a disgrace of themselves—it’s very difficult to be really intimate with them.”

Think about how often talk show hosts tell embarrassing stories about themselves. Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Fallon, Ellen Degeneres, and Kelly Ripa all regularly share details about themselves that make them look foolish and silly. It’s part of their charm and we like them for it. We feel like we know them.

And that’s how I felt about the lead characters in Enola Holmes. They created a bond through exposed failures.

Our natural instinct may be to hide our mistakes and never tell about our “epic fails,” but we may be missing a chance to connect with others by putting them at ease. It demonstrates that you don’t take yourself too seriously and are willing to be open and honest.

So the next time you do something foolish, make sure to tell someone about it. And you never know, others may have similar silly tales to bond over.

Epic Fail Chemistry

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