Sunday, November 1, 2020

Don’t Be a Pushover!

Standing up for yourself can be difficult to do sometimes—especially in the heat of the moment—even when you know you’re right

Newsletters Alberta Local 301 BC Local 68 BC Local 501 BC Transportation Manitoba Local 306 Ontario Healthcare Saskatchewan Local 151

It’s easier to talk about assertiveness than to actually be assertive. Or sometimes you find that you can be assertive and other times you can’t. You’re not alone! Here are a few tricks to keep in mind to not be a pushover.

6 Tricks to Becoming More Assertive at Work

1. Bad timing – When someone brings up a topic that you’re not ready to talk about, remember that you don’t have to discuss it right then. The person who initiated the conversation has been thinking about it—and planning for it—and you probably haven’t. This often happens with managers. Having the conversation is made even tougher because they have more power. So let them know you’re willing, but not ready, to talk and set a time and date and a comfortable place to have the conversation. Here’s how you can respond:

• “This sounds important. I’m going to need some time to prepare. When is a good time for you to have this conversation? If we talk about it now, I’m not going to do a very good job, because I’m not prepared.”

• “Do I need union representation for this conversation?”

2. Too much emotion – When someone talks to you with too much emotion—especially if they’re demanding an answer—resist the temptation to answer them. Instead, try asking an observing question.

• “Are you angry with me?”

• “This seems really important to you. Can you help me understand why?”

• “This situation is making me uncomfortable. I’m not okay with how much emotion is going on.”

3. Inappropriate content – We’ve all heard someone say things they shouldn’t, and often we are surprised by it and wish later that we’d said something. Asking for clarification is a great way to hold someone accountable. It also helps provide more information—and more time—so if you want to come up with a response, it will be easier to do so.

• “Wait. What did you just say?”

• “What did you mean by that?”

• “I understand that you think all unions are bad. I’ve found mine to be really helpful, so I guess I respectfully disagree.”

• “We all get to have an opinion, but I’m concerned that your opinion is really hurtful, and I prefer that you don’t repeat it.”

4. Asking permission – Chances are really good that if you ask someone for permission to tell them something that might be tough to hear, they will grant it to you. It makes it easier to raise the topic, and it makes it less likely that they will react negatively.

• “Hey, can I ask you a tough question?”

• “You said something yesterday that I want to understand better. Can I check it with you?”

5. Practice – Assertiveness is a skill, and all skills get better with practice. If it’s an important skill and an important conversation, it’s worth taking the time to practice—in the car, in the bathroom, at home, or on the phone with a friend or partner.

6. Inner work – Usually, the reason for our reluctance to be assertive comes from fear, or some past conditioning where we were told our assertiveness wasn’t okay. Take some time to do the inner work to figure out why you’re reluctant to be assertive. Often, our beliefs were formed during our childhood or from painful experience. This could take some time to figure out with a counsellor, but it’s worth the work.

Don’t Be a Pushover!

6 Tricks to Becoming More Assertive at Work

You might be interested in