Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Conversational Competence

With practice, our conversations can produce deeper, more meaningful relationships. Here are 10 tips for how to have better conversations with one another

By Isobel Farrell, Regional Director, Grimsby Member Centre

Understandably, we are all eagerly waiting for this pandemic to be behind us. The news that several vaccines have proven effective in trials has offered some light at the end of this long tunnel.

We’ve all missed so many special occasions and events. I’ve craved sharing meals and conversations in person with my extended family and friends.

But due to social and distancing restrictions, I’ve only been able to share on social media platforms. I am, admittedly, a late adopter of the Instagram and Facebook world, but even I find myself scrolling and liking so much more these days.

Social media is a good place to see what the rest of the world is doing to keep themselves safe and occupied, although sometimes the news is simply too sad.

While this preoccupation with social media may be okay for awhile, it appears to have resulted in a deficiency in conversational competency. It has made it easier for us to have responses, but make fewer connections.

For example, it is so much easier to like the birth of a new child or a promotion, but is equally as easy to respond in anger with an emoji to a political opinion or the government’s newest initiative. Celeste Headlee captured 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation in a TED Talk. I thought the message was simplistic enough to put into immediate practice, but also challenging enough that I can keep checking my progress. Here is her list:

Don’t multitask—be present.
Don’t pontificate. Enter every conversation with the knowledge that you have something to learn.
Use open-ended questions.
Go with the flow.
If you don’t know, say you don’t know.
Don’t equate their experience with yours; it is not about you.
Try not to repeat yourself—it is condescending.
Stay out of the weeds.
Listen. The human brain can process 500 words per minute when listening and only 250 words when speaking.
Be brief. She goes on to say that a good conversation should be like a mini-skirt—short enough to get your attention but long enough to cover the subject.

If the predictions regarding the vaccines and the course of the pandemic are correct, we’ll be seeing a greater number of family, friends, and colleagues in the coming months. Let’s hope so.

In the meantime, I’m going to use the time to learn or improve something about myself. I’m going to work on Celeste’s 10 tips so that when I am finally able to sit around the dining table with my 15 family members, the opportunity won’t be overshadowed by ineffective conversations. I will be present and listen, and not make the dialogue all about me.

I won’t immediately get it all right, but with practice, those conversations will produce deeper, more meaningful relationships with those I care the most about.

Conversational Competence

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