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Monday, June 16, 2025

A Time for Silence

Sitting in silence together can be powerful. But it can also be a problem

By Geoff Dueck Thiessen, Regional Director, Winnipeg Member Centre

I recently moved from a very noisy neighbourhood in the centre of the city on a corner with a lot of vehicle and pedestrian traffic. I moved to a place that is much quieter and noticed just how much more relaxed I am.

Silence can be good. It can also be good in conversations. As a talker, it’s tough for me, but sometimes just being quiet can leave room for the other person to say everything they need to.

Sitting in silence together can also be powerful. Think of two friends fishing, a couple gazing at their newborn child, or siblings sitting together by their dying parent’s bedside.

On the other hand, silence can be a problem. For example, at my new place, a neighbour has just moved out of her home and into a care home mostly because of how lonely she was after her husband died two years ago. She craves a social life.

Silence can also be a problem when we’re waiting for someone to answer us. The longer it takes to get our answer, the more likely we fill in the silence with our own busy thoughts.

4 Examples of Problem Silence

  1. If I’m working late and don’t check in at home, my family might start to worry about me, imagining I’m in trouble.
  2. When I’m upset, I tend to get quiet (some folks get loud) and don’t always have clear words to say. This can create more tension as the other person gets upset about my silence.
  3. When I file a grievance, it’s not unusual for the employer to take the whole amount of time they are allowed under the collective agreement to respond. It can be difficult to wait without creating a story about why it’s taking so long.
  4. When members reach out with a question and I don’t know the answer yet, or I’m not looking at my phone or computer, they might start thinking I don’t care, or I’m not good at my job. Access to email, text messages, and apps like WhatsApp increase expectations.

So what? The answer is to carve out time for silence and make sure you tell the people who might be waiting for you what you’re up to, so they don’t build up a big story. Ask for an extension rather than ignore it. And if you’re waiting for your employer or union to get back to you, check in.