Monday, January 9, 2017

Listen Up

Think you’re a great listener? You probably also think you’re a good driver.

Whether at work or in your personal life, being a great listener can make a big difference to your co-workers, family, and friends. Many of us think that being a great listener comes down to not talking while the other person is talking, mumbling the occasional “mmm hmm,” or simply repeating something the person said.

Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman of Zenger/Folkman, a leadership development consultancy, examined data from 3,492 participants in a development program for managers. In an article published in Harvard Business Review, they talk about what makes someone a great listener.

4 Traits of a Great Listener

Great listeners engage in genuine two-way dialogue. Ask questions. Challenge thoughts constructively. Just saying “mmm hmm” does not show you’re listening at all.
Great listeners build the person’s self-esteem. When the conversation becomes a positive experience for the other person—making the person feel supported, cared for, and safe—you know you’ve done a great job listening.
Great listeners aren’t competitive. You may be a great debater — but a lousy listener — if you make the person feel defensive or even threatened by your comments. By all means, challenge assumptions, but if all you’re doing is listening for mistakes or errors in logic, you’re not really listening. You should be there to help the person — not win an argument.
Great listeners provide feedback and make suggestions. You’re a great listener if you can provide feedback that the other person accepts and that opens new paths for them to consider. Beware that if you’re silent the whole time and then offer a suggestion, the person might not view you as credible. You need to be an active participant. And don’t be competitive — they won’t trust you.

Zenger and Folkman also say there are different levels of listening. Each level builds on the others, although not all conversations need each level.

6 Levels of Listening

Create a safe environment when discussing emotional or challenging situations. This allows the person to freely express themselves.
Eliminate distractions (electronics) and focus on the person. Doing so eliminates interruptions but, more importantly, it changes how you feel about the conversation and makes you a better listener.
Confirm that you understand what the person is telling you by asking questions and restating ideas and issues. You need to let the person know that you know where they’re coming from.
Pay attention to the person’s expressions, breathing, gestures, posture, and other body language. “It sounds strange to some, but you listen with your eyes as well as your ears,” say Zenger and Folkman.
Identify and acknowledge the other person’s feelings and support their feelings in a non-judgemental way. You need to empathize with and validate their feelings.
Help the other person think through their assumptions to see things differently without taking over the conversation by going on about yourself. Here’s where you can include helpful suggestions and ideas.

Next time a co-worker, family member, or friend really needs to talk, keep in mind what makes you a great listener and the levels of listening you may need to use to really listen to them.

Trampoline or Sponge?

“While many of us have thought of being a good listener being like a sponge that accurately absorbs what the other person is saying, instead, what [our] findings show is that good listeners are like trampolines. They are someone you can bounce ideas off of—and rather than absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, energize, and clarify your thinking. They make you feel better by not merely passively absorbing, but by actively supporting. This lets you gain energy and height, just like someone jumping on a trampoline.”— Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman

Source: hbr.org

Listen Up

4 Traits of a Great Listener

6 Levels of Listening

Trampoline or Sponge?

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