Tuesday, May 20, 2025

Holding on to Resentment Is Harmful—Learn to Let It Go

Resentment toward a coworker can quickly make your job feel horrible. Here’s how to manage those feelings

Resentment is a complex emotion that usually involves feelings of anger, frustration, bitterness, and disappointment. It can stem from one negative experience, or it can slowly develop over time as unaddressed issues accumulate.

Resentment can affect not only your well-being, but also that of your company or organization. At work, resentment sometimes manifests itself in relationships between coworkers. Holding a grudge against someone you work alongside is harmful toward cooperation, communication, and productivity in the workplace.

At an individual level, the ongoing stress of carrying resentment can affect your mood and mental health and sap your energy. Even when justified, anger and resentment wear on you and others.

5 Tips to Manage Resentment

Identify the source. To address your resentment, you must first know what it stems from. Think about the specific circumstances that cause it. Likely, there will be a specific behaviour or action your coworker does that comes to mind. Consider why this situation is so frustrating to you. Sometimes, what is at the root of your feelings of resentment are more vulnerable emotions, like hurt or fear. These are uncomfortable to feel, so we cover them up with anger. Identifying the root of your feelings of resentment is a key step in letting go of it.
Step outside yourself. A piece of advice always worth considering is to assume your coworkers are rational and well-meaning human beings. How does their behaviour make sense to them? Are they aware of how upset their actions make you? Resentment can often build inside our minds and allow us to create false narratives and assign intentions that were never there in the first place. Assuming the best of your coworkers is a helpful way to combat these feelings of tension and anger.
Be solution-minded. The core issue causing your resentment needs to be fixed. But this needs to be done in a healthy way. What are practical solutions to the issue at hand? Can you address the issue without causing further hurt or anger? It is worth taking time to think about small but effective changes you or your manager can put in place that would help solve the offending problem.
Communicate constructively. Being open and honest with how you’re feeling can go a long way toward resolving issues with coworkers, but those conversations aren’t always easy to have. If you are approaching a coworker with a grievance, it is important that you make nonjudgmental statements, express how their actions make you feel, and be specific about your own needs and values. It is also helpful if you can propose clear steps to resolve the issue.
Let it go. At the end of all your effort, it’s possible that nothing will change. As difficult as it sounds, it is time to consider letting go of your negative feelings and forgiving the person who has caused you to feel resentment. Even if your anger is justified, holding on to your resentment is harmful. While it may feel like defeat, forgiveness is actually a hopeful practice. Making an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger will free you from the grip of the person who harmed you and may even lead to feelings of empathy and compassion.

Sources: hbr.org, mayoclinic.org

Holding on to Resentment Is Harmful—Learn to Let It Go

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